Forever Unfit To Be A Slave (A Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing, Part Two)

{This Post is Recycled – Reworked from a Previous Version and Reposted In It’s Updated Glory}

FD Learning To Read

In Part One, I waxed eloquent about secession and the South’s stated reasons for attempting to leave. Among their many complaints – most of which involved perceived threats to slavery – was the North’s tolerance of those who snuck in and taught slaves stuff.

A little knowledge, it turns out, can be a dangerous thing.

Frederick Douglass, in his first autobiography (1845), describes his epiphany regarding education:

My new mistress proved to be all she appeared when I first met her at the door,—a woman of the kindest heart and finest feelings. She had never had a slave under her control previously to myself, and prior to her marriage she had been dependent upon her own industry for a living. She… had been in a good degree preserved from the blighting and dehumanizing effects of slavery…

One thing Douglass’s account shares with those of Solomon Northup, Harriet Jacobs, and others, is their insistence that not all slave-owners were naturally cruel and evil people. They avoid neatly dividing people into ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and instead focus on the system, and its effect on those involved – slave or free, black or white.

Rather than letting a few slaveholders off the moral hook, it puts the rest of us on it. When the problem is bad people, we’re safe because we’re not them. When the problem is something larger, something systemic, which we either ignore or tolerate, we’re no longer absolved.

Very soon after I went to live with Mr. and Mrs. Auld, she very kindly commenced to teach me the A, B, C. After I had learned this, she assisted me in learning to spell words of three or four letters… 

Mr. Auld found out what was going on, and at once forbade Mrs. Auld to instruct me further, telling her, among other things, that it was unlawful, as well as unsafe, to teach a slave to read. To use his own words, further, he said… “A nigger should know nothing but to obey his master—to do as he is told to do. Learning would spoil the best nigger in the world.”

Knowledge Is PowerMr. Auld was no fool. He knew that control – whether of populations or individuals – begins through the information to which they have access. Whoever controls knowledge controls everything else – especially when it comes to maintaining a system based on privilege and inheritance.

You know, like the one we pretend we don’t have today.

”Now,” said he, “if you teach that nigger (speaking of myself) how to read, there would be no keeping him. It would forever unfit him to be a slave. He would at once become unmanageable, and of no value to his master. As to himself, it could do him no good, but a great deal of harm. It would make him discontented and unhappy.”

Mr. Auld is at least honest. Rather than claim young Frederick CAN’T learn, the problem is very much that he CAN – and as things stand, that helps no one. Raised expectations are a curse both ways.

These words sank deep into my heart, stirred up sentiments within that lay slumbering, and called into existence an entirely new train of thought…

Isn’t that what the best learning does? Challenge everything, and force you to separate the assured from the assumed?

I now understood what had been to me a most perplexing difficulty—to wit, the white man’s power to enslave the black man… From that moment, I understood the pathway from slavery to freedom. It was just what I wanted, and I got it at a time when I the least expected it…

If your room under the stairs is all you’ve ever known, you may not be happy, but you can hardly fathom more. Once you’ve gone to a museum or zoo, your horizons are forever altered – there are things out there of which you didn’t know. And Hogwarts… still full of limits, but compared to the room under the stairs…?

HP Under StairsThere’s nothing wrong with learning to be content with what you have, but that’s a choice we can only make if we have some glimpse of the alternatives. Until then, you’re just… stuck.

Douglass started tasting something bigger than he’d known, and for the first time found himself able to give form to his sense of bondage.

I was now about twelve years old, and the thought of being a slave for life began to bear heavily upon my heart. Just about this time, I got hold of a book entitled “The Columbian Orator.” Every opportunity I got, I used to read this book. Among much of other interesting matter, I found in it a dialogue between a master and his slave.

The slave was represented as having run away from his master three times. The dialogue represented the conversation which took place between them, when the slave was retaken the third time. In this dialogue, the whole argument in behalf of slavery was brought forward by the master, all of which was disposed of by the slave. The slave was made to say some very smart as well as impressive things in reply to his master—things which had the desired though unexpected effect; for the conversation resulted in the voluntary emancipation of the slave on the part of the master…

Slavery is bad, and running away was illegal. Talking back to one’s master was dangerous and not to be advised – it was unlikely to lead to your emancipation. All this book lacked to be utterly perverse by the standards of the day were zombies and a gay shower scene. And yet, Douglass discovered benefit in reading this work of subversive fiction.

FDDouglass connected with a character who was in some ways like himself – not in wise words or holy determination, but in the ways his life sucked, like being a slave. This fictional character, however, was able to demonstrate at least one possible way to endure or even flourish in the ugly, imperfect situation in which he was mired. He resonated far more than an idealized hero-figure of some sort could have, belching platitudes while fighting off the darkness with patriotic pluck.

Douglass became who he was partly because of a banned book.

The reading of these documents enabled me to utter my thoughts, and to meet the arguments brought forward to sustain slavery; but while they relieved me of one difficulty, they brought on another even more painful than the one of which I was relieved. The more I read, the more I was led to abhor and detest my enslavers. I could regard them in no other light than a band of successful robbers, who had left their homes, and gone to Africa, and stolen us from our homes, and in a strange land reduced us to slavery. I loathed them as being the meanest as well as the most wicked of men. 

Here’s the number one reason governments and religions and parents and schools ban whatever they ban. It’s nearly impossible to maintain the illusion you’re doing someone a huge favor by keeping them locked under the staircase once they’ve visited Hogwarts – even by proxy. The power to question is the power to overcome.

As I read and contemplated the subject, behold! that very discontentment which Master Hugh had predicted would follow my learning to read had already come, to torment and sting my soul to unutterable anguish. As I writhed under it, I would at times feel that learning to read had been a curse rather than a blessing. It had given me a view of my wretched condition, without the remedy. It opened my eyes to the horrible pit, but to no ladder upon which to get out.

In moments of agony, I envied my fellow-slaves for their stupidity. I have often wished myself a beast. I preferred the condition of the meanest reptile to my own. Anything, no matter what, to get rid of thinking!

Finally, something our elected representatives could support.

Douglass went on to become one of the most powerful speakers and important writers of the 19th century. He also turned out to be a pretty good American, despite his dissent regarding any number of issues.

Turns out you can do that.

Martin Luther & His 95 ThesesLearning is dangerous, but not to the person doing the learning. It can hurt along the way, but you usually end up better off for it.

Learning is dangerous to men whose ideas lack sufficient merit or whose systems lack sufficient substance to maintain their influence over people once they have other options. 

Schoolhouse Rock intoned in the 1970’s that “It’s great to learn – ‘Cause Knowledge is Power!” A few thousand years before, Jesus of Nazareth had promised his followers that “you will know the truth, and the truth will set your free.” He was speaking most directly of Himself and salvation, but the principle echoes past the specifics. 

In a time of strict codes and limited freedom, He offended the churchiest of them with his associations, the liberties he took with the law designed to protect them from damnation, and by suggesting we might not need holy arbiters any longer to find our way.

At the risk of getting preachy, the curtain tore long before Martin Luther nailed his complaints to the door.

Perhaps the Scribes and Pharisees had underlying good intentions, being naturally rooted in the ways of Old Testament law. They grew up under a God who’d kill you for touching His ark, even if it was to prevent it falling to the ground. We’ll cut them some slack.

Scarlet Letter ShadowThe Inquisitions and Puritans and Assigners of Scarlet Letters in New Testament times have no such excuse. If their faith is what they claim, it’s a faith based on light and truth and – above all – informed choice. Jesus and Paul may not have had much in common, but there’s no record of either lying or hiding something they didn’t want the world to see. They had enough faith in their message that it could withstand freedom of choice. They didn’t want to capture anyone who didn’t wish to be won. 

You don’t make better citizens or better Christians by hiding or prohibiting things you don’t want them to know. You can’t strengthen faith by torturing those who sin. You certainly can’t narrow the gap between young people and American ideals by doing a better job bullsh*tting them.

It’s wrong to even try, of course, but it also just doesn’t work.

Let’s have a little faith in our spiritual ideals, and our foundational values as a nation. Let’s offer enough light and live enough of an example that we can risk letting those we love have a little freedom. If they come back…

Well, you know the rest.

Darth Dove

RELATED POST: Secession & Superiority (A Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing, Part One)

RELATED POST: Liar, Liar, Twitterpants on Fire (A Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing, Part Three)

RELATED POST: I’d Rather Be Aquaman

Secession & Superiority (A Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing, Part One)

{This Post is Recycled – Reworked from a Previous Version and Reposted In It’s Updated Glory}

Secession Map

In the Election of 1860, despite almost unanimous opposition from southern states, Abraham Lincoln was elected. Between the announcement of his victory (it took a little longer to tally everything back then) and his inauguration in early March, seven southern states announced they were leaving the Union.

From Georgia’s Declaration of Secession:

The people of Georgia having dissolved their political connection with the Government of the United States of America, present to their confederates and the world the causes which have led to the separation. For the last ten years we have had numerous and serious causes of complaint against our non-slave-holding confederate States with reference to the subject of African slavery. They have endeavored to weaken our security, to disturb our domestic peace and tranquility, and persistently refused to comply with their express constitutional obligations to us in reference to that property…

A brief history of the rise, progress, and policy of anti-slavery and the political organization into whose hands the administration of the Federal Government has been committed will fully justify the pronounced verdict of the people of Georgia. The party of Lincoln, called the Republican party, under its present name and organization, is of recent origin. It is admitted to be an anti-slavery party… anti-slavery is its mission and its purpose…

Notice the way the format consciously echoes the Declaration of Independence – the basic proclamation followed by a list of complaints explaining why they are never ever ever getting back together. 

From Mississippi’s Declaration:

In the momentous step which our State has taken of dissolving its connection with the government of which we so long formed a part, it is but just that we should declare the prominent reasons which have induced our course. 

Our position is thoroughly identified with the institution of slavery – the greatest material interest of the world. Its labor supplies the product which constitutes by far the largest and most important portions of commerce of the earth. These products are peculiar to the climate verging on the tropical regions, and by an imperious law of nature, none but the black race can bear exposure to the tropical sun. These products have become necessities of the world, and a blow at slavery is a blow at commerce and civilization. That blow has been long aimed at the institution, and was at the point of reaching its consummation. There was no choice left us but submission to the mandates of abolition, or a dissolution of the Union, whose principles had been subverted to work out our ruin.

They all pretty much go like this. Based on these documents, produced by the Southern states for the explicit purpose of proclaiming to the world the causes of their secession, the main issues seemed to be (1) slavery, (2) slavery, and – in some cases – (3) slavery. 

Slavery Chains

South Carolina took the lead as they always did when steps towards racial equity needed to be crushed:

But an increasing hostility on the part of the non-slaveholding States to the Institution of slavery has led to a disregard of their obligations… {The northern} States… have enacted laws which either nullify the Acts of Congress, or render useless any attempt to execute them… Thus the constitutional compact has been deliberately broken…

Those {non-slaveholding} States have assumed the right of deciding upon the propriety of our domestic institutions*; and have denied the rights of property** established in fifteen of the States and recognized by the Constitution; they have denounced as sinful the institution of Slavery***; they have permitted the open establishment among them of societies,**** whose avowed object is to disturb the peace… They have encouraged and assisted thousands of our slaves to leave their homes; and those who remain, have been incited by emissaries, books and pictures to servile insurrection. 

*i.e. ‘slavery’
**i.e. ‘slaves’
***i.e. ‘Slavery’ – oh wait, it says it this time, doesn’t it? My bad.
****i.e., abolitionists 

South Carolina was upset that the North allowed so much discussion of things which threatened their way of life and went against their beliefs. They listed as one of their central reasons for trying to break the country their collective outrage that other states weren’t doing enough to stifle debate.

Their little white feelings were hurt and their dominant role in the world inconvenienced. Poor things. 

Seriously, it goes on for several pages like that.

Lincoln ThoughtfulWas Lincoln’s election really such a threat to their way of life? Maybe. Not according to Lincoln, it wasn’t, but the new Republican Party openly advocated for restrictions on slavery – particularly in terms of limiting its expansion. Perhaps that was a debate worth having, in the context of the times.

But the time for discussion and compromise, it seems, was over. The writing was on the wall, and the South feared that reason and decency would no longer produce the outcome they wished. So, they circumvented both and tried to change the rules. They chose theatrics over the much more difficult path of introspection.

…those who remain, have been incited by emissaries, books and pictures to servile insurrection.

Slavery was not simply about physical bondage, as central as that was. It required a type of brainwashing and systemic manipulation so that the slave remained perpetually hopeless, and largely helpless. They were kept ignorant of all but the most basic skills or concepts. Slave-owners – the same ones who would soon rebel based on their right not to be bossed around – were forbidden by law from teaching their slaves to read, or otherwise expanding their horizons beyond what was absolutely necessary. 

The shocking thing about slave revolts isn’t that they happened – it’s that there were so few of them. Most resistance was covert, cultural – playing dumb, breaking things, maintaining an identity bewildering to white slave-owners. 

The Underground Railroad was pretty amazing, but the total numbers carried to freedom were miniscule compared to the size of the institution. And yet…

…incited by emissaries, books and pictures…

Do you feel the past reaching out to you through that line? I get goosie-bumps. 

Reading Free“We don’t like the thinking prompted by your teachers, your books, your visuals. We don’t appreciate you complicating their worlds or ours by introducing problematic ideas. Ignorance is bliss, buddy – our version of reality is good enough, despite its apparent inability to withstand the slightest scrutiny.”

See? I coulda been a Southerner. Or an Oklahoma legislator!

The problem with education is that it gets people thinking. The problem with thinking is that they don’t always think what we want them to. And, in the South’s defense, sometimes a little knowledge IS a dangerous thing – we’ll look at that in Part Two.

The South understood the dangers of expanded thinking. As lovers of tradition – and of being in charge – they had little taste for new or threatening ideas. They codified narrow-mindedness as a virtue and framed the ignorance of those in bondage as a mercy. 

Turns out the human race is pretty good at legal, intellectual, and moral contortions when it’s time to rationalize something we really really want to be true. 

South Rising Again

After the War – which they lost – the South continued to fight against dangerous levels of education for others. They also began denying their own explicitly stated causes for trying to leave in the first place. When you feel strongly enough that your cause is just, reality is just one more adversity to nobly overcome for the greater good.

That’s Part Three.

There’s a common saying about people who don’t know their history being doomed to repeat it. That’s true enough, but it doesn’t acknowledge those who want to recapture the ignorance and sins of the past – who find antebellum ideals to be the very core of American greatness. Today, as then, that requires ignoring or subverting knowledge and debate.

Both are still dangerous.

RELATED POST: Forever Unfit To Be A Slave (A Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing, Part Two)

RELATED POST: Liar, Liar, Twitterpants on Fire (A Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing, Part Three)

How Power Confronts Dissent

Note: I’m writing this post in response to circumstances of which I’m a part, but it’s not really about me. I’m living the dream and daily thankful for the support of the #11FF and beyond. 

I confess that I’m developing a certain defensiveness, however, on behalf of others who have done far more good than myself and pay a greater ongoing price for daring to question power. If, after reading this, you wish to express dissent, please direct it to me. If you’re interested in offering support, please offer it to them. 

It seems the proverbial “teacher caucus” has ruffled a few entrenched feathers here and there across the state. That’s a good sign – it means we’re vocal enough that the powers-that-be are concerned. They don’t all represent the same sorts of power – some already hold office, while others have social sway or the backing of the usual slew of out-of-state fiscal overlords. 

A few are all-of-the-above.

The means of their pushback, however, are a lesson in how power responds to dissent – especially when that power is unable or unwilling to simply silence or crush the dissenters. As a history teacher I can’t help but look for larger themes – it’s a change and continuity over time thing, I’m afraid. 

So I command every student under my sway this July (all zero of you) to pull up a chair and prepare to be indoctrinated as we explore the tactics utilized, in hopes we might become more aware of these same themes when expressed elsewhere in history or across our lives.

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The most glaring element of the backlash so far, and the one I found most surprising (although there’s no reason it should have been), is that power rarely addresses the actual substance or specifics of the dissent.

I’ve been called names and assigned nefarious roles (“spewing antichrist venom” is by far my favorite, although “vitriol and obscenities” is still golden). My writing has been criticized in general ways, but without reference to any particular POINT those expressing their horror consider incorrect. 

In other words, I literally can’t get anyone to tell me – in the midst of their sputtering outrage – what they think I got wrong. It’s really rather bizarre. 

Each time I’ve become aware of a candidate or associated minions protesting that they’ve been misconstrued, or at least misunderstood, I’ve reached out to them with offers of adding their comments to my original post, or letting them write their own. If nothing else, tell me which parts I need to correct. 

I mean, I may be a bit snarky, but I do try to get my facts straight. 

So far, a total of zero have ever taken me up on that offer. 

The OPE list of candidate recommendations (i.e., the ‘Apple List’) created quite a stir as well. Numerous candidates, when the list was first posted, contacted members of this vulgar cabal of ours to ask if perhaps they, too, might be considered for an ‘apple’. I replied to several, as did others, with the exact same guidelines we used for everyone else. 

Keep in mind, there are a LOT of people running for office this time around. There are more candidates than there are countries in the world, and that’s AFTER last month’s primaries shaved the total significantly. 

Many of these political hopefuls responded professionally, some even politely, and the list evolved a bit as new information was added and new arguments considered. That’s how the academic world is supposed to work – you present a position with your supporting evidence, it’s challenged with new evidence, and over time the position is refined. 

There are always a few, however, simply unable or unwilling to go to such trouble. They then become the most vocal complainers without ever addressing the simplest heart of the issue – do they meet or have they attempted to establish their qualifications to be on the list? 

Even if they don’t lead with it, you’d think it would at least come up at some point in their tirades, yes? But not so much. 

Which. Specific. Part. Do. You. Think. Is. Incorrect?

The second element of the backlash worth noting is the prominence of innuendo and suspicion cast on the dissenters – again completely without reference to the content of the dissent. 

Rick Cobb has opinions! Horrifying words about things using descriptors and tone! And he works for a SCHOOL! How is that ALLOWED?!

Rob Miller disagreed with ME about something! And he’s within 100 yards of young people almost ALL DAY LONG! Is there no GOD?!

It’s a given at this point that anyone whose panties are in righteous wad over anything #oklaed-ish will immediately decry our right to have social or political opinions outside the school day. We are corrupt, brainwashing potentates using our positions of power and influence over young people to steer them into godless socialism and sexual deviancy. 

If only I could use this same dominance to get them to do their assigned reading once in a while. 

Corporations have a right to unlimited fiscal control of political speech. Churches may preach political advocacy as part and parcel of the very Word of God. State funds, collected from citizens of all makes and models, should be funneled into further isolating and uber-educating the chosen offspring of upper-middle-class evangelicals. And of course, a granite monument to the days of Christ-less wrath and judgment simply MUST secure a permanent home on Capitol grounds as a warning to those who remain.  

But those public school teachers who think we should vote to protect public education, well – that’s just crossing some lines! We don’t pay them the lowest salary in the nation to think or care, dammit! Opinions are for people with real jobs, like pastors or legislators. 

At no point does power actually argue with anything we’re saying, you understand; it instead perpetually seethes that we claim the right to say anything at all. 

The third element common to power’s assault on dissent is the targeting of those thought to be most individually vulnerable. I’m bemused more than distraught at what various demagogues or ideologues have to say about me. (Honestly, I thought they’d have done better by now.) Others in the mix have been doing this so long they’ve developed an immunity to most of the reindeer games. 

But power likes to intimidate without overtly threatening. Take the purely hypothetical example of a car parked across the street from a single mom every night for two weeks, beginning the day she’s announced as “Undesirable #1” on several groups’ “enemies lists.” The unknown occupant merely watches without ever approaching her door. No laws have been broken, no threats issued – but she stops letting her kids play outside. She worries about her pets while she’s at work. She’s strong, but she feels it

I know it sounds rather melodramatic, but power likes where it is. Power believes it has a right to be there, and you don’t. Power claims the moral high ground, and from way up there can hardly be held to the same rules as us commoners.  

Finally, power strikes and retreats into its own little “safe zones.” The accusations and innuendo don’t come in the comment sections of our blogs or other publicly accessible sites. They circulate in the protected corners of their own echo-chambers, where none may challenge them. Occasionally it leaks out through an incontinent editorial or summons a fauxlicious press conference, but mostly it inbreeds and deforms as it grows less and less coherent.  

Most of us welcome clarification, explanation, even disagreement. Instead, power hides and blocks and accuses. It’s really rather nasty sometimes. It’s like we all woke up as recurring minor characters on guilty pleasure T.V. 

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So here’s my open challenge, or offer, or whatever you wish to call it (although it’s really not new at all):

If you think I’m mistaken about a candidate, or a sitting legislator, or a policy position, you are welcome to comment on the relevant post. As long as you’re not obscene or threatening to anyone, I won’t censor or delete it. If you need a longer format, I’ll give you a guest blog slot. Share what’s on your mind. Again, you’ll have to moderate yourself in terms of overt ugliness towards those I hold dear, but you’re welcome to criticize me all you like or the ‘teacher caucus’ as an entity to your darkened heart’s content. 

I’d prefer to limit this to state issues and state candidates unless you persuade me otherwise. I’ve already let myself get too sidetracked by national madness and it makes me tired, and with far less to show for it. 

Of course, those of you who agree with me are welcome to do the same. The only difference is, you’d be allowed to include clip art. 

Otherwise – and I mean this sincerely…

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Coronado’s Letter (“What I AM Sure Of Is This…”)

After Coronado gave up on the Seven Cities of Whatever, he penned a missive to the King summarizing his experiences and discoveries. Ask yourself what tone and intent are suggested by his choice of words nearly six centuries later. 

The full letter, a classroom edit, and printable versions can be found here

HOLY CATHOLIC CAESARIAN MAJESTY: On April 20 of this year I wrote to Your Majesty from this province of Tiguex, in reply to a letter from Your Majesty dated in Madrid, June 11 a year ago. I gave a detailed account of this expedition, which the viceroy of New Spain ordered me to undertake in Your Majesty’s name…  

“Caesarian” here presumably means “like Caesar” rather than referring to the circumstances of his delivery at birth. Still, it does open up some humorous alternatives – “Your Royal Breechness,” “Divine Preemie-inence,” etc.

It’s also nice for those of us reading 500 years later that he essentially begins with “previously, on Coronado’s Journey…” I wonder if that was a formal norm or an acknowledgement that the King was a busy man and might have no idea who Coronado was or why he should remember him.

I described it all, and the sort of force I have, as Your Majesty had ordered me to relate in my letters; and stated that while I was engaged in the conquest and pacification of the natives of this province…

You know, because that’s what people do to kill time – conquer and pacify…

…some Indians who were natives of other provinces beyond these had told me that in their country there were much larger villages and better houses than those of the natives of this country, and that they had lords who ruled them, who were served with dishes of gold, and other very magnificent things; and although, as I wrote Your Majesty, I did not believe it before I had set eyes on it… {but it seemed} important that it should be investigated for Your Majesty’s service, I determined to go and see it with the men I have here…

Already this sounds like a desperate effort to cover his own behind, doesn’t it? “OK, so, here’s what happened and I totally didn’t believe them but then I was like, I totes owe it to the KING to check it out ANYWAY and so, like… no WAY this was my fault!”

After nine days’ march I reached some plains, so vast that I did not find their limit anywhere that I went, although I traveled over them for more than 300 leagues. And I found such a quantity of cows in these, of the kind that I wrote Your Majesty about, which they have in this country, that it is impossible to number them, for while I was journeying through these plains, until I returned to where I first found them, there was not a day that I lost sight of them. 

Tatanka!

And after seventeen days’ march I came to a settlement of Indians who are called Querechos, who travel around with these cows, who do not plant, and who eat the raw flesh and drink the blood of the cows they kill, and they tan the skins of the cows, with which all the people of this country dress themselves here. They have little field tents made of the hides of the cows, tanned and greased, very well made, in which they live while they travel around near the cows, moving with these. They have dogs which they load, which carry their tents and poles and belongings. These people have the best figures of any that I have seen in the Indies…

That’s about as succinct a description as you could ask of life on the Great Plains – flat as far as you can see, nomadic natives, living in tipis and utilizing just about every part of the buffalo they hunted. The use of dog travois was common on the Plains as well. 

The last part about their figures was not nearly so awkwardly suggestive as some of you wondered just now. These were different times, and Coronado is trying to be descriptive, and thorough. I kinda wonder if it also suggests a tendency to see the Querechos as interesting creatures in nature rather than real live individuals. 

I traveled five days more as the guides wished to lead me, until I reached some plains, with no more landmarks than as if we had been swallowed up in the sea, where they strayed about, because there was not a stone, nor a bit of rising ground, nor a tree, nor a shrub, nor anything to go by. There is much very fine pasture land, with good grass. 

And while we were lost in these plains, some horsemen who went off to hunt cows fell in with some Indians who also were out hunting, who are enemies of those that I had seen in the last settlement, and of another sort of people who are called Teyas; they have their bodies and faces all painted, are a large people like the others, of a very good build; they eat the raw flesh just like the Querechos, and live and travel round with the cows in the same way as these. I obtained from these an account of the country where the guides were taking me, which was not like what they had told me, because these made out that the houses there were not built of stones, with stories, as my guides had described it, but of straw and skins, and a small supply of corn there…

Texans with painted bodies and faces? Must have been on their way to a college football game. This was the first sign of trouble with their journey to “Quivira” which couldn’t be ignored to accommodate avarice.

It seemed to me best, in order to see if there was anything there of service to Your Majesty, to go forward with only 30 horsemen until I should be able to see the country, so as to give Your Majesty a true account of what was to be found in it… And with only the 30 horsemen whom I took for my escort, I traveled forty-two days after I left the force, living all this while solely on the flesh of the bulls and cows which we killed, at the cost of several of our horses… and going many days without water, and cooking the food with cow dung, because there is not any kind of wood in all these plains, away from the gullies and rivers, which are very few.

I love the subtle reminder that Coronado was not, of course, doing any of this for himself, but for the King. It also says something about the size of the group with which he normally traveled that going on with 30 guys was really stripping it down to a skeleton crew. 

And perhaps I’m reading too much into what is, after all, a modern translation of a centuries-old letter in another language, but I sense his frustration leaking through already – “there was not a stone, nor a bit of rising ground, nor a tree…” and “cooking… with cow dung, because THERE ARE NO #@$%ING TREES OR TWIGS OR PICTURES OF TREES SO $%&@ IT WE’LL JUST USE POO!! THAT’S RIGHT – WE’RE COOKING WITH POO!!”

It was the Lord’s pleasure that, after having journeyed across these deserts seventy-seven days, I arrived at the province they call Quivira, to which the guides were conducting me, and where they had described to me houses of stone, with many stories; and not only are they not of stone, but of straw, but the people in them are as barbarous as all those whom I have seen and passed before this; they do not have cloaks, nor cotton of which to make these, but use the skins of the cattle they kill, which they tan, because they are settled among these on a very large river…

The people here are large. I had several Indians measured, and found that they were 10 palms in height; the women are well proportioned and their features are more like Moorish women than Indians. The natives here gave me a piece of copper which a chief Indian wore hung around his neck; I sent it to the viceroy of New Spain, because I have not seen any other metal in these parts except this and some little copper bells which I sent him, and a bit of metal which looks like gold. I do not know where this came from…

His disappointment is palpable, but it’s not the full-blown disgust and frustration we’re going to see further down. The sad desperation of sending a lone copper necklace to the viceroy almost breaks my heart for Coronado. The years, the hope, and the depravations endured… for a copper necklace of unknown origin.

The province of Quivira is 950 leagues from Mexico. Where I reached it, it is in the fortieth degree. The country itself is the best I have ever seen for producing all the products of Spain, for besides the land itself being very fat and black and being very well watered by the rivulets and springs and rivers, I found prunes like those of Spain and nuts and very good sweet grapes and mulberries. 

“So, your Majesty, the trip was pretty much a bust in terms of riches and gold and such. But OMG if you could have seen the PRUNES! So, um… can you maybe, like, not be too mad about the gold? Because… prunes?”

Here’s my favorite part.

I have treated the natives of this province, and all the others whom I found wherever I went, as well as was possible, agreeably to what Your Majesty had commanded, and they have received no harm in any way from me or from those who went in my company…

“…as well as was possible…”

What a wonderfully cautious bit of self-justification. 

And what I am sure of is that there is not any gold nor any other metal in all that country, and the other things of which they had told me are nothing but little villages, and in many of these they do not plant anything and do not have any houses except of skins and sticks, and they wander around with the cows; so that the account they gave me was false, because they wanted to persuade me to go there with the whole force, believing that as the way was through such uninhabited deserts, and from the lack of water, they would get us where we and our horses would die of hunger…

I can’t help but see his pen jabbing at his paper, Coronado muttering to himself as he scribbles his frustration within the confines of acceptability to one’s sovereign… 

“One thing IS for SURE, however… There’s. No. $#%&ing. Gold. Or. Metal. Or. Any. Thing. Else. $%#*. !@*%&%. #%&*TW#@&%@#$!!@# In. This. #$&@Y$@. Land.”

It’s here we see the first written expression of perhaps the single greatest conflict between white guys and the red guys over the next four centuries.

“They don’t plant anything… and they wander around with the cows…”

To the average European, nature is there to be subdued. Reworked. Made into your b*tch. 

To the average Amerindian on the Great Plains, nature is there to be understood. Utilized. Perhaps a bit revered. 

They were not starry-eyed environmentalists as some would have them portrayed, but they certainly asked for different things out of life than the typical white guy. The first bewildered, annoyed record of this realization comes from the European perspective comes from Coronado, right here.

It didn’t bode well for future white-guy / red-guy relations.

RELATED POST: Coronado (Why Don’t You Come To Your Senses?)

RELATED POST: Turkin’ Back And Forth

Turkin’ Back and Forth

Coronado & The TurkI previously asserted that History is, by definition, a written record of the past. By that definition, the history of Oklahoma began in 1540 and Francisco Vásquez de Coronado was its first historian. 

He set out to find untold riches by following rumors of lavish cities inhabited by wondrous people. His exact route is debatable, but he seems to have started north from what is now Mexico and traveled into New Mexico and/or Arizona in search of these “Seven Cities of Cibola.” 

He got into a few scraps with the locals, but his journey was otherwise unexciting until he encountered a young man the Spanish quickly nicknamed “The Turk.”

The Turk, most likely a Wichita or Pawnee, assured Coronado that the real treasures were to be found in “Quivira,” far to the east. He offered to lead them there, and each time they encountered other tribes the Turk would communicate with them briefly before they, too, would eagerly insist that “Quivira” was totally the place to be and begin using signs and making other vigorous efforts at communication to indicate that the riches there were impressive indeed – in a no-sense-waiting-‘round-here-you-prolly-wanna-get-going kinda way. 

What follows is a fairly accurate transcription of my total guesswork as to what these conversations must have been like – never before published on a major education blog. 

Turk (to NewTribeGuys):  Hey, I guess you probably noticed the, um, conquistadors and hundreds of soldiers and thousands of ‘allies’ just behind me here…

NewTribeGuys (to Turk):  Why are you pointing? Are you trying to trick us into looking behind us? That’s completely lame. 

Turk (to NewTribeGuys):  I realize you don’t know me, but you’re gonna want to trust me on this. These guys are looking for Quivira, a city of gold and other untold riches and topless virgins and whatnot. Now, turn and point the same direction I am so it looks convincing. Maybe nod a bit and tell me with enthusiasm that we’re on the right track.

NewTribeGuys (to Turk):  The hell are you talking about? There’s no ‘city of gold’ or whatever in that direction, or any other for that matter. Why did you bring these people here?!

Turk (to Cornado):  He says we’re on the right track and honors the great Coronado on his amazing journey!

Turk (to NewTribeGuys):  Look, you see how many tense foreign-looking fellows are behind me? Think about them eating your food. Taking your goods. Forcing themselves on your women. It’s not pretty, brother – I’ve seen it. Several times, actually. Now either get all excited about how close we are to Quivira or go ahead and bring out your daughters and stew because they’re starting to get restless.

NewTribeGuys (look at Coronado and his men, back at Turk, at Coronado and his men, back at Turk, and murmur briefly to one another)

NewTribeGuys (loudly, to Turk, Coronado, the rest of their tribe, and most of the neighbors):  Ooohh, yes – Quivira! The one (gesturing dramatically) way over that way! Yes, yes – you’re very close! We thought you’d said you were looking for, um… Chi Berra, the famous atlatl maker. He, of course, is the other direction entirely. But not Quivira – nope, that crazy city and its golden virgins or whatever are ACTUALLY RATHER NEAR! (more gesturing) 

Turk (to Coronado): They say it’s this way.

Coronado Journey MapThis worked for a ridiculously long time, despite being a rather obvious ploy. Unfortunately, it relied heavily on the cooperation of strangers. Eventually, one of the tribes they encountered – the Teyas, an intriguing name later given to a future state whose name escapes me at the moment – started letting Coronado know that they had no idea what this Turk lad was talking about, and that he wasn’t even translating properly. 

Despite his suspicions, Coronado let “The Turk” lead him all the way to what is now Wichita, Kansas, where they found Quivira. That part, at least was true.

It was not a city of gold, however, so much as a village of farmers living in grass huts. They were alarmingly tall for Indians, and very close to naked most of the time. Untold riches, though? Not so much. 

Coronado spent several weeks hoping perhaps they were, somehow, close to some cities of gold if only he’d poke around a bit more, but finally reconciled himself to the truth – he’d been had. 

CibolaCoronado ordered that the Turk be garroted – the thing you see in action movies when they strangle someone with wire. To be fair, he had fibbed rather extensively and wasted months of their time, not to mention substantial resources. His sacrifice had not been in vain, at least – he’d led Coronado and crew far, far from his own people and their homes. 

Coronado took a different route back to Tiguex in what is now New Mexico, where he wrote a letter to the King of Spain, dated October 20, 1541. It’s arguably the first written record of Oklahoma, and rich in both tone and detail. As primary sources go, it’s golden.

Unlike, say… Quivira. 

Coronado went home frustrated and weakened after several armed conflicts and a serious fall from his horse along the way. He lost his fortune and much of his honor and died in 1554 – which I get is a total downer. 

But while he’d hardly draw much comfort from it, he was the first Oklahoma Historian and a generally fine observer and record-keeper of much of the geography, the people, the wildlife, and the tribulations of the American Southwest in the 16th century. 

There’s no record whether he ever got back that nifty copper necklace.

RELATED POST: Coronado (Why Don’t You Come To Your Senses)

RELATED POST: Coronado’s Letter (“What I AM Sure Of Is This…”)