Indiana Senate Bill 167 (Part Two)

January 12, 2022June 4, 2023 ~ Blue Cereal

In Part One, I expressed my chagrin over what seems to be the Indiana GOP’s effort to elevate the voices of those unwilling to participate in public education in any sort of helpful way while making it nigh impossible for educators to comply with the reporting and other bureaucratic requirements of this bill.

Now it’s time to confront some of the more abstract language in Indiana SB 167 – the parts about what school employees can’t say, suggest, imply, or otherwise communicate…

You know – the part where they legislate the “liberal” out of education.

Stop Including Concepts!

{A}n employee of {state agencies or schools} shall not include or promote the following concepts as part of a course of instruction or in a curriculum or instructional program, or allow teachers or other employees…, acting in their official capacity, to use supplemental instructional materials that include or promote the following concepts:

Let’s pause and consider this before we even address the specific concepts. There are two very different things going on here, intentionally or not.

The first part limits what educators can “promote.” By itself, that’s nothing new. I’m not legally allowed to call kids up for prayer, to condemn them for their sexuality, or to mock their tattoos or political beliefs. We can debate what those limits should be, but that’s not actually the part that most concerns me at the moment.

It’s the bit about “includes” that seems ripe for exploitation and abuse. Even if we assume the best possible intentions by the bill’s authors (I don’t know if this is an ALEC template or was actually compiled by the senators claiming credit), this part troubles me greatly. I’ve researched enough court cases (insert shameless plug here) to know that the specific language of a bill sometimes matters very much.

I’m happy to argue about what my lessons do or don’t PROMOTE. I consider that a very different issue than what they do or don’t INCLUDE.

Let’s check out a few of the specifics not to be PROMOTED… or even INCLUDED in “supplemental instructional materials”:

(1) That any sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, national origin, or political affiliation is inherently superior or inferior to another sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, national origin, or political affiliation.

I taught history for over twenty years. I’ve used dozens, if not hundreds, of resources that insisted one race was superior to another, or that men were inherently smarter or better suited for leadership than women, or that Americans were chosen by God with a unique mission and calling. I’ve used letters and speeches from one nation condemning another and excerpts from contemporary debates about immigration, affirmative action, and gun control. We’ve discussed pros and cons of integration, equality of the sexes, and “American exceptionalism” – because they all matter, and they all must be confronted and discussed if we’re to have a halfway sensible civilization.

Now that I teach English, I’m having trouble coming up with many novels (or even short stories) that might resonate with my kids but which don’t challenge or explore assumptions about race, poverty, sexuality, abuse, power, etc. I mean, that’s the whole point, right? To analyze the things which make us human – good and bad – and the ways in which we express or understand them?

I can guarantee you a fair effort at balance. I can point to twenty years of my students insisting they have no idea where I land politically on most issues. I can promise you sensitivity to potential triggers or issues that might arise and an effort to maintain age-appropriate good taste. Hopefully it goes without saying that I won’t be “promoting” racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, etc.

But can I avoid all materials that include those ideas? That may promote those ideas in their own time and space and reality?

I know supporters of this bill will insist I’m taking that one word out of context. Perhaps I am. But if that’s not what they mean to say, I suggest finding a better word.

Stop Recognizing Racism!

Then again, maybe exploration of difficult topics is exactly what they hope to eliminate:

(2) That an individual, by virtue of their sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, national origin, or political affiliation is inherently racist, sexist, or oppressive, whether consciously or unconsciously.

This is another bit that on the surface sounds harmless enough. “Don’t label all white people racist” is essentially what they’re going for here. Once again, however, I think we have to question some of the terminology. Law is all about the details, yes?

People far smarter than I have addressed the many possible definitions of “racist.” The only thing I’ll note here is that you don’t have to drop the ‘N’-bomb and burn crosses to partake in systemic racism – “consciously or unconsciously.” As to “oppressive,” that’s a question of power dynamics – of exploiting or benefiting from a system you may or may not have encouraged, of which you may or may not even be consciously aware, but from which you nevertheless benefit at the expense of others.

I can promise I’ve never taught that “all white people are racist” or that “all men want to demean and misuse women.” I have, however, asked some pretty smart groups of high school students to consider whether or not it’s possible that some policies or personal choices are driven by assumptions or norms they may not have consciously identified or utilized before. We’ve had some excellent discussions as a result. I always thought it was good for tomorrow’s leaders to experiment with other points of view – to weigh the relative merits of various lenses through which history and society might be understood.

Clearly many of those actually in power disagree.

How strong are ideals that can’t survive a little academic questioning by high schoolers?

(3) That an individual should be discriminated against or receive adverse treatment solely or partly because of the individual’s sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, national origin, or political affiliation.

We’ll let that one slide.

(4) That members of any sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, national origin, or political affiliation should not attempt to treat others without respect to sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, national origin, or political affiliation.

OK, hang on – the triple negative here can get a bit confusing…

Educators CANNOT suggest that anyone should NOT try to IGNORE differences based on race, gender, religion, etc. In other words, no suggesting people might be different from one another based on the ways in which they’re clearly different from one another.

I’d like to assume what’s meant here is something along the lines of “don’t assume girls aren’t good at math” and “watch those personal biases when it comes to discipline.” But If the goal were to discourage discrimination, that’s already explicitly covered in the previous point.

Instead, this one smacks of “I don’t see color.”

I’d like to think I’m generally fair with all of my students, but I’m certain I approach my hijab-wearing girls with a LITTLE more caution than my Baptist basketball players until I’m sure I won’t unintentionally offend or alienate them by assuming too much familiarity out of the gate. I hold my Black students to the same behavioral standards as my white kids, but I try to run an internal check to make sure I’m not interpreting their tone of voice or facial expressions to mean more than they do – because I know that’s a thing that white folks (like myself) sometimes do.

It’s a tricky balance sometimes. Not all Hispanic kids are the same (obviously). Neither are all the gay kids, all the Slavic immigrants, or all cheerleaders. But if there are absolutely no differences worth recognizing or accommodating, I’ve been to WAY too many hours of training over the years intended to help me better understand kids of different backgrounds. Plus, we’re wasting money on twice as many bathrooms and locker rooms as we need.

Stop Acknowledging Diversity!

(5) That an individual’s moral character is necessarily determined by the individual’s sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, national origin, or political affiliation.

One thing you can say about today’s GOP – they’re wholly committed to equity towards all sexes, races, religions, and national origins. It’s practically their brand.

(6) That an individual, by virtue of the individual’s sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, national origin, or political affiliation, bears responsibility for actions committed in the past by other members of the same sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, national origin, or political affiliation.

“Bears responsibility for”? No, probably not. “Benefits from” or “may still be experiencing fallout from”? Now THAT’S a discussion worth having. But we won’t – not if this bill passes. The distinction is too subtle for angry right-wing mobs not known for their love of nuance – or administrators terrified of lawsuits or headlines.

There’s one more that I just can’t get past…

(7) That any individual should feel discomfort, guilt, anguish, or any other form of psychological distress on account of the individual’s sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, nationa origin, or political affiliation.

That’s not it. I mean, I don’t love the inherent whining it projects, but that’s nothing compared to what’s next.

Stop Questioning Capitalism!

(8) That meritocracy or traits such as hard work ethic are racist or sexist, or were created by members of a particular sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, national origin, or political affiliation to oppress members of another sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, national origin, or political affiliation.

It’s been difficult for me to unpack my reaction to this part. I fear I may not express it well even now.

I think the biggest thing bugging me is the implication that “meritocracy” and “hard work ethic” are indisputable goods – natural values all reasonable people share, like “don’t murder”, “don’t steal”, and “eliminate the capital gains tax.” But they’re not universal, and they’re not too sacred to question. Many successful cultures throughout history would have completely rejected “meritocracy” or “hard work ethic” in the way most American understand the terms.

I mean, it’s called the “Protestant work ethic” for a reason. It’s a mindset and value system that was new and different from most of what had gone before.

The second problem is one defenders of the bill could no doubt counter with the very argument I made earlier – the specific language matters. And yet, I gotta get it off my chest.

I don’t know that meritocracy or hard work ethic are racist or sexist or any of that in terms of their origins or intent. It’s nearly impossible to deny, however, that in practice, systems claiming to be built on meritocracy often are racially and sexually discriminatory. “Hard work” may be a wonderful thing, but it doesn’t pay off equally for everyone regardless of their race or gender. Study after study shows it’s not even close.
So what’s the goal of this particular provision? Much like Oklahoma’s recent “It’s OK to run over protestors IF YOU REALLY FEEL SCARED” bill, this line in particular strikes me as blatantly ideological, not to mention dangerously subjective and malleable.

Seriously, Enough With Recognizing Diversity…

There’s one more before we go, and it’s a biggie:

A teacher, an administrator, a governing body, or any other employee of any state agency, school corporation, or qualified school may not require an employee of a school corporation or qualified school to engage in training, orientation, or therapy that presents any form of racial or sex stereotyping or blame on the basis of sex, race, ethnicity, religion, color, national origin, or political affiliation.

Remember all those workshops I mentioned above about how to better understand, connect with, and educate children of diverse backgrounds? Yeah, it sounds like those are out altogether. From here forward, all children are just like you think you were at that age, in whatever circumstances you were raised. Any variations or difficulties you may encounter in educating them is now simply a nail, and policy the hammer. Efforts to acknowledge humanity or complexity beyond this is just more liberal excuse-making and the real source of division.

If you want to insist that what this really says is that schools can’t mandate training that promotes stereotypes and division, you’d better be able to back that up with real life examples of pro-racism, pro-social division workshops your local high schools have hosted recently. Something you vaguely remember from Fox & Friends doesn’t count.

We’ll wrap up in Part Three. Your comments are welcome below.

Indiana Senate Bill 167 (Part One)

January 11, 2022June 4, 2023 ~ Blue Cereal

I hate reading through legislation. It’s so bloated with cross-references and disclaimers that unless you spend a great deal of time deciphering such things, it can be difficult to tell what’s unique to a specific bill and what’s “just how they do stuff.” (In Oklahoma, for example, EVERY bill on EVERY topic is declared to be required by a state of EMERGENCY. Yes, I’m serious.)

I foolishly hoped that perhaps Indiana legislation might be a bit less turgid. That was silly of me.

Indiana’s proposed Senate Bill 167 has been in the news lately after one of its authors insisted educators needed to stop criticizing Nazis for doing Nazi stuff and be more neutral about “-isms” – Marxism, Fascism, racism, plagiarism, catechism, euphemism, or whatever.

Still, there are some positives in the language of Senate Bill 167 as proposed at the time of this writing. The bill wastes no time, for example, clarifying that nothing in the suggested changes to state statutes related to public schooling should be understood to require the release of teacher’s medical records, personal diaries or journals, or videotapes of their autopsies.

Honestly, I feel like this should be receiving more coverage from major news outlets. Teachers may not like being forced to remain neutral on things like genocide or treason, but their autopsy footage is explicitly protected. How many other bills we’ve discussed here in recent years can claim THAT?

There’s also an extensive section ensuring that nothing in the bill should be understood to require schools to unnecessarily expose themselves to terrorist attacks. This is especially comforting given that later in the bill it’s suggested that if a school WERE targeted by terrorists, they’d be required to remain completely neutral about this as a tactic for promoting whatever ideology might have motivated the attack.

Just stick with the facts – is that asking SO much?

Finally, around Page 11 or so, we get to some of the stuff that I’d like to look at a bit more closely. I welcome your thoughts as well.

Approving Curricular Materials

Current Indiana law requires the Superintendent of each district to establish a procedure for approving or adopting books and other materials, which must in turn be approved by “the governing body” (I assume a school board of some sort, be it local or statewide). The current law suggests this be done in conjunction with teachers and parents:

A special committee of teachers and parents may also be appointed to review books, magazines, and audiovisual material used or proposed for use in the classroom to supplement state adopted curricular materials and may make recommendations to the superintendent and the governing body concerning the use of these materials. (IC 20-26-12-24)

The new bill would cut this section and replace it with this:

Sec. 3.
(a) A governing body of a school corporation shall create a curricular materials advisory committee using procedures established by the governing body for the creation, selection, and appointment of the curricular materials advisory committee. The procedures must provide for the appointment of:
(1) teachers, administrators, and representatives of the community; and
(2) parents of students who are attending a school in the school corporation.
(b) A governing body shall establish procedures for the curricular materials advisory committee to:
(1) have access to all curricular materials and educational activities;
(2) review curricular materials and educational activities;
(3) make recommendations regarding curricular materials and educational activities to the governing body; and
(4) present recommendations regarding curricular materials and educational activities at a public hearing of the governing body.

So far, it mostly just sounds like an unnecessarily inflated version of the same idea, right? Here’s where things start to become potentially problematic, however:

(c) A governing body shall post on the school’s Internet web site the proposed procedures created in subsections (a) and (b). At least thirty (30) days after the posting of the proposed procedures on the Internet web site, the governing body shall hold a public meeting, at which public comment is heard, to explain the proposed procedures. The governing body may then approve, disapprove, or amend the proposed procedures.

It kinda jumps out at you, doesn’t it? “Web site” as two separate words? That’s archaic – and honestly a bit annoying.

But, at the risk of sounding paranoid, there’s a more substantive issue: the new focus on “public” input and approval. There’s nothing wrong with this in and of itself – community members already have the right to get involved in their local schools, run for positions on the board, etc. This new legislation, however, seems designed to encourage even those unwilling to engage in meaningful ways to jump in with the same thoughtfulness and expertise they demonstrate on Facebook or the “Comments” section on YouTube channel to derail or demonize anything they’re pretty sure Tucker Carlson mentioned several weeks ago as part of a liberal conspiracy to make white people feel bad.

Or maybe I’m just being paranoid.

Sec. 4.
(a) The curricular materials advisory committee shall be comprised according to the following parameters:
(1) At least forty percent (40%) parents of students within the school corporation.
(2) At least forty percent (40%) teachers and administrators.
(3) The remainder of the positions comprised of interested community members who are not employed by the school corporation.

Nope. Definitely not being paranoid.

I want to emphasize that there’s nothing wrong with community input. But that’s already a thing. This legislation essentially requires that 20% of the committee tasked with censoring evaluating books, lectures, art, etc., be composed of people completely uninvolved in the district otherwise.

Members must be approved by the “governing body,” but we’ve all seen how that sort of thing goes. This is just begging for exploitation – all to solve a problem that doesn’t actually exist in the first place.

“Community Interests”

(c) In recommending and considering candidates, the governing body shall attempt to ensure that the committee is representative of a broad range of community interests as determined by the governing body.

Translation: the committee can include a few token representatives of various demographics, but mostly it will be controlled by people with the financing and free time to dedicate all their time and energy to the endless meetings, subcommittees, and paperwork required.

Speaking of which…

(e) The committee chairperson may create subcommittees to review curricular material subject matters. Subcommittees may recommend curricular materials to the committee for consideration. A subcommittee must be comprised according to the parameters set forth in subsection (a).

Ask your average educator how much free time they have on their hands these days. Once we’re into language like “subcommittees may recommend curricular materials to the committee for consideration… according to the parameters set forth in subsection (a)…” things have clearly gone off the rails.

Sec. 5. (a) The curricular materials advisory committee shall review and evaluate the school corporation’s curricular materials and educational activities to ensure that the materials and activities are representative of the community’s interests and aligned with Indiana academic standards.

I understand that legislation by its nature must sometimes resort to generalities or guiding principles in place of the concrete, but for such a loaded phrase to slide right on by without clarification or comment is simply unacceptable:

“representative of the community’s interests”

What this means is at the heart of most education arguments to begin with, isn’t it? Deciphering it requires opening a Pandora’s Box of Pedagogy: “What is the purpose of public education?”

I don’t think I’m overanalyzing here, but unless we have some common concept of what constitutes “the community’s interests,” this is where the whole thing potentially locks up and explodes.

Is it code for “creates meat widgets to serve corporate interests”?

Does it mean “educated voters”? (Surely not – this is a Republican bill designed to whitewash history in the most literal sense of the word, after all.)

Does it refer to the role of public education in helping to solidify the social contract by which all members of society sacrifice a degree of autonomy for the good of the whole, serving themselves and their loved ones by a commitment to the larger community? A collective understanding which promotes understanding and tolerance even when we passionately disagree?

Or is it simply code for “the majority gets to choose the morality and mindset imposed on everyone else”?

Personally, I’d really like some clarification of “the community’s interests.” I don’t love the idea of bringing majority rule to my curriculum – truth, beauty, critical thinking, personal growth, and diversity be damned if it offends the local Q-Anon chapter.

Opting Out (The Infinite Curricular Universes Provision)

Here’s another bit that’s drawn some attention:

(b) Except as otherwise provided by law, the committee may recommend to the governing body that parents of students enrolled in the school corporation may be allowed to opt out of or opt in to curricular materials and educational activities identified by the committee.

If you’ve ever watched Star Trek or other popular sci-fi, you know some variation of the infinite universes motif. Each choice leads to multiple other possible futures, quickly splintering into an innumerable number of possibilities.

The idea that teachers must have at least TWO entirely distinct sets of lesson plans in every scenario (to be posted a year ahead of time – but we’ll get to that later) is daunting enough. It also ignores the reality of the school year and this crazy dream we share that we’ll be able to help students build on what they’re learning over the course of each semester. If we read “The Most Dangerous Game” in September, I’d like to be able to refer back to it when we read Ender’s Game in November. If we practice identifying the elements of a strong argument in October, I’d like to use those when we write our opinion papers in December.

It’s one thing to say that Ginny doesn’t have to go to Sex Ed. It’s another to require schools to create separate, non-provocative, completely uncontroversial curriculums for her to jump in and out of at will, then expect her teachers to still make everything else work with this warmer, fuzzier curriculum while at any point allowing her to rejoin the majority at any point and be sufficiently in sync with the rest of the class (because a big part of education in the 21st century is learning to collaborate and manage yourself in a group setting) to fully benefit… and then leave again the moment something “uncomfortable” comes up again.

Multiply this by 4 or 5 “Ginny”s each day and it’s time to see if your brother-in-law still needs a hand at his insurance office.

Oh, and just to really keep you on your toes, all those possible curriculums and resources and materials and stories and poems and articles and movie clips and activities and discussions and anything else you may be utilizing should be posted for public review the summer before you’ve even met your students.

Disclaimer & Teaser

Keep in mind that parents already have input on what their district does and doesn’t teach or utilize. They can already complain if they feel like their child is being indoctrinated or unnecessarily exposed to naughty or troubling concepts. They can already get involved in school board meetings, their local PTSA, and the like. I don’t know of any school which doesn’t welcome parents coming to sit in class with their child all day, every day, should they so choose. I’ve never met a principal that doesn’t quickly get involved if a parent (or student) has questions about something said, taught, read, or otherwise utilized in class.

Challenges to this legislation aren’t about “keeping secrets” or preventing “parent input.” They’re about questioning the true purpose of this red meat mess, as well as its potential consequences – intended or otherwise.

In Part Two, we’ll consider why Indiana Republicans are suddenly against recognizing differences between boys and girls, Muslims and Christians, capitalists or communists, and the bizarre implication that “meritocracy” and a “hard work ethic” are universal moral absolutes untethered by culture, background, or value systems.

Seriously – we’re just now getting to the weird parts.

Bring On 2022

December 31, 2021June 12, 2023 ~ Blue Cereal

I don’t know about you, but I’m not all that happy with how things have been going lately. Even worse, I’m not thrilled with how I’ve been responding. I’d hoped for better from my nation, many of my friends, and (as much as I hate to admit it) myself.

But if you’ll allow me to coopt a phrase from another genre… it’s a new day. At least, it has the potential to be.

For longer than I care to remember, New Years has been my favorite holiday. (I’ve written about it before, enthusiastically if not always successfully.) The past several Decembers, however, it’s been more difficult to maintain that sense of renewal – of possibility. In 2019, I was mostly just glad the damn year was over. In 2020, I’d recently started a new position at a new school and was pretty much failing miserably – or so it felt.

Now, as 2021 sputters to a close, I’m staring forward and not liking much of what I see. Midterm elections will likely prove a continuation of everything it’s become impossible to ignore about American politics. Our collective boredom with the pandemic and general lack of concern with the well-being of those around us continues to prolong unnecessary suffering. We’re not quite up to actual book-burning just yet, but much like we’ve learned to do with our other sins and vices, we’re accomplishing many of the same things less directly.

Also, I’ve gone up a few more sizes and nothing fits well anymore. This may not objectively belong on the same list as Uncle Sam once again openly embracing Jim Crow, but I assure you, it’s a joy-killer.

Nevertheless, it’s a new year. (That’s the whole idea, after all.) I’ve spent too much time and energy trying to help others focus on the parts they can control for me to sit back and marinate in despair – at least, not exclusively. My goals for 2022 may not seem overly ambitious to the better-adjusted among you, but for me… these could be game-changers. I suspect the same is true for one or two others out there as well.

1) It’s time to start reading non-fiction again, especially stuff involving the real world around me. For several years now, I’ve largely avoided watching the news or listening to NPR. I’ve ignored any documentaries that weren’t about art theft, tiger kings, or the movies/albums/toys that “made us.” I’ve largely stuck with hockey and series I’ve already seen – lots of Star Trek, M*A*S*H, Archer, and Marvel movies. That’s OK. It was necessary for things to settle internally. But it’s time to shift back into engagement, this time minus the rage and discouragement that made it counterproductive before. It’s time to reclaim knowledge and thoughtfulness as coping mechanisms, not trap doors.

2) It’s time to put a little more effort into relationships. I’m an introvert in the best of times. I enjoy select people and usually manage to be enjoyable in return, but I don’t draw strength or energy from socializing or networking or whatever. I recharge alone, preferably in quietness. Until these past two years, however, I didn’t realize how much I needed those periodic connections with other people. I don’t need many of them, or for them to happen every day, but I’ve neglected too many good humans who deserved better… and I’ve paid something of a price emotionally and socially.

3) It’s time to practice a little grace and patience with evil self-deluding fascists. Yes, they’ve blasphemed against everything I once believed in spiritually and finally convinced me there’s no truth left in it. Yes, they’ve sacrificed the ideals of what could have been a pretty nice little country in their desperate efforts to assuage their own manufactured sense of perpetual victimhood. Yes, they reek of white supremacy painted up as “meritocracy,” fundamentalist theocracy wrapped in the wool of “religious freedom,” and raw ignorance celebrated as enlightenment. But despite all of this, they’re not all individually irredeemable, or so I’d like to think. Besides, treating others decently isn’t always about them so much as it is about us – and I’d like to be a better “us.”

4) It’s time to continue coming to terms with my own shortcomings, quirks, and failures. I’m still trying to embrace self-awareness enough to make positive changes without becoming so mired in self-loathing that I can’t function. (And yes, I tend to experience things in emotional extremes and react accordingly.) I probably won’t lose twenty pounds, but maybe I could lose two. I’m not swearing off video games or professional wrestling, but maybe those things could take up half of my free time instead of ninety percent of it. I’ll probably still be too reactionary, too angry, and too overwhelmed by things, but maybe I can channel more of that into advocacy, empowerment of others, or self-improvement.

5) It’s time to learn how to make better use of my air fryer. OK, maybe that doesn’t seem like it belongs on the same level as those other things, but it’s a metaphor… or something. It’s one of way too many little things I’ve wanted to learn or do better, but have felt too crushed by reality to bother with anything past chicken strips and air fries. It’s time to reclaim the simple things that feel like progress, real or imagined. It’s time to find small joy in small successes. It’s time to reclaim our sense of self from the events around us.

In 2022, I’m not going to hide from local or national realities, but I would like to find better ways to get involved – to find hope and energy through becoming more pro-active. I’d also like to allow myself the time it will take to organize my music and other computer files, or get back to fixing up the basement, all without feeling like I’m either wasting my time or biting off more than I can chew.

I’m not expecting miracles, from myself or anyone else. I’m fairly realistic at this point about the upcoming difficulties, the ups and downs, and even my own inevitable failures along the way. But if we’re going to survive 2022, it will require a change of attitude, focus, and effort – at least for me. And if we’re not going to make it to 2023, well… I’d like to go down swinging. And singing. And using my air fryer properly.

Happy New Year, my friends. Peace, wisdom, and strength to us all.

The War Against Thursday

November 30, 2021June 4, 2023 ~ Blue Cereal ~ 3 Comments

I don’t know about you, but I’m taking a stand this year. I try to be as accepting and open-minded as the next straight white male, but sometimes things simply go too far and we have to dig in and say “ENOUGH!”

I call on you to join me in bringing back Thursday.

When the Pilgrims (or whoever) first came to this country in 1776, they made a point every week of observing Thursday four days after each Sabbath. Our Founding Fathers called it “Thursday” as well out of deference to the Holy Scriptures. For two thousand years, since Jesus first told all who thirst to come to Him, we’ve observed this “thirst day,” or “Thursday.”

Now, thanks to the godless left taking prayer out of schools and making it illegal to acknowledge gender, suddenly we’re not supposed to say it anymore. Well, my faith teaches me not to put up with such nonsense or things will get ugly! I believe in Thursday, and I’m not ashamed to say it.

It’s already started this year. I met some of the guys for lunch a few days ago. Not only was the service TERRIBLE (supposedly they were “shorthanded”), but as we were leaving the girl at the register said, “Have a nice day!”

I couldn’t believe it. We were there ON AN ACTUAL THURSDAY and here this person was, in OUR country, trying to pretend Thursday’s not even a thing! I almost let it slide, but I remembered something Tucker Carlson said about faith without hostility being dead, so I marched back to that register and stood up for some truth.

“Do you know what day it is?” I asked.

Clearly she was startled by this sudden display of godly patriotism. She had to glance at the American calendar next to the register before she replied. “Um… November 18th?”

Typical. Try to gaslight me with technicalities. Well, I wasn’t buying it.

“It’s Thursday, as in, ‘I wonder if ICE is open on THURSDAY?’ if you catch my drift?”

She was clearly rattled, but that happens sometimes when you take a stand. And today, Thursday was also Truthday! (Hey, that’s catchy – I may get some bracelets or bumper stickers or something made up with that. #Truthday!)

But it got worse from there. I got home to discover my daughter – my fourth grade, impressionable daughter – doing a worksheet designed to brainwash her into thinking the days of the week were named after various pagan gods. (I can only assume they now wanted her to pray to them or something.) Her teachers have clearly bought into this whole CRT thing, which I suppose is what I get for letting her attend a public school.

I even caught a mistake on the homework! Those unionized teachers can’t even tell the difference between Norse gods and movie superheroes! News flash: THOR is an AVENGER!

I was so angry I skipped even trying to talk to the teacher about it and went right over her head to Facebook, where I posted pictures of the assignment along with the name and home address of every administrator in the district. One of the moms in my Concerned & Righteously Angry Parents group told me she’s even reached out to our state representative and he’s proposed a bill to eliminate this sort of religious brainwashing in schools.

Why can’t these teachers just stick to the facts and stop trying to insert their own liberal biases into things? It’s obvious things have gone seriously downhill since we stopped teaching the Three R’s – reading, mathematics, and traditional Protestant theology.

It’s not just the schools, of course. The mindless idiots running Hollywood and that Rolling Stones magazine are just as bad. Notice, for example, how they’ve conspired year after year to celebrate every day of the week EXCEPT Thursday.

Songs celebrating Friday as a night of decadence or release are too numerous to mention. Katy Perry, the Cure, even the sleeper of the century, Rebecca Black, all push Friday like they’re just relieved Thursday is OVER! It’s the same for Saturday (Bay City Rollers, Guadalcanal Diary, Sam Cooke, Chicago, and dozens more) and Sunday (Etta James, U2, No Doubt, Oasis, and all the other wanna-be types trying to work their way up to relevance).

Even Monday gets more than its fair share. “Monday, Monday” was a big hit for the Mamas & the Papas in 1966. (It’s not enough that they wanted us all to do drugs and have sex – they tried to undermine the traditional family by replacing them with hippie musical acts!) It continued until “Manic Monday” was rammed down our throats by the Bangles in 1986. (Here’s something they don’t want you to know – this one was penned by that Prince fellow who later changed his name to a demonic symbol. He also claimed that HE would die for us, when in reality we know that’s only true of our brave men and women in the service or dressed in blue. Oh, or Jesus, I guess.)

The Rolling Stones recorded “Ruby Tuesday” in 1967. The Moody Blues had a hit with “Tuesday Afternoon” the same year. Lynyrd Skynyrd rubbed it in with “Tuesday’s Gone” in 1973 (good riddance, I’d say, but it just keeps coming back). Simon and Garfunkel got all sentimental about “Wednesday Morning, 3 a.m.” in 1963. That kept going through “Waiting for Wednesday” by Lisa Loeb in 1995.

There are literally hundreds of other examples. Hopefully, you’ve noticed the two things that should leap out at you about this list. First, it all started right after the Supreme Court made it illegal for children to pray in school in 1954. Second, there are NO SONGS ABOUT THURSDAY ANYWHERE IN THE HISTORY OF RECORDED MUSIC. Seems suspicious, doesn’t it? You’d think it would have come up at least a few times, what with it being a MAJOR DAY OF THE WEEK THROUGHOUT ALL OF AMERO-CHRISTIAN HISTORY until the left put a stop to it. Now you can be fired just for saying it!

I’m not afraid, though. In fact, I make a point every year of putting a calendar up in my kitchen with all SEVEN days of the week marked clearly on each and every month (because honestly, I’ve always believed that Thursday should be celebrated all year long). I’m a White American, dammit – I have a right to acknowledge Thursday no matter how much they persecute me or how hard they try to brainwash my kids out of believing in it!

So next time someone tells you to “have a nice day” or subtly tries to slip in “good morning” or (even worse) “buenos noches,” you look them right in the eye and let them know YOU call it THURSDAY – no matter what day of the week they and their pagan gods think it is.

How Teaching Is Like Blowing Leaves & Snow

November 13, 2021June 4, 2023 ~ Blue Cereal

Several years ago, my wife and I moved from Oklahoma to northern Indiana. We’re still surrounded by radical right-wingers, but compared to Oklahoma, this might as well be an anarcho-syndicalist commune. Still, there are things about Oklahoma I miss (other than friends and family, of course).

Oklahoma storms are better. It rains here, naturally, but rarely do decent storms last more than five or ten minutes. All the trees fall over and the power goes out, but by that time it’s clear outside again and it’s all a bit surreal. I still don’t understand how a few moments of moderate breeze consistently flattens the flora and cripples the entire region, but so be it. We’ve had one actual evening of possible tornadoes here since moving in and – for the first time in my life – I was able to take the family down to the basement to ride it out. You don’t appreciate how “normal” tornado season is in Oklahoma until you see locals elsewhere reacting to possible rotation or vaguely scary clouds as if the aliens had already emerged from their ships and all of Grovers Mill was about to be destroyed.

Fall, on the other hand, is quite pretty here. And when it snows – ohmyholybabygoodness! For years I found it odd that the snow in movies and TV shows looked so fake, all fat and fluffy like the angels were pillow-fighting upstairs. It turns out I’d simply never seen real snow. Oklahoma has a version of frozen precipitation of course, and at times it’s lovely enough. But the scenic stuff is a regular feature here – sometimes in odd bursts at the weirdest moments, and other times going on for days.

So, being a manly man with a ridiculously long driveway (for no bigger than our property is), I purchased manly machines to help cope with the insane volume of leaves which pile up for nearly a third of each calendar year, as well as the periodic snowy apocalypse. I bought me a leaf blower and a snowblower so I could, um… BLOW STUFF just like other manly-men in the neighborhood.

As it turns out, however, leaf blowing and doing pretty much anything with snow are a mixture of art and science which take some time to master. Either can prove oddly fulfilling, but most of the time… well, it’s just frustrating and embarrassing how badly it sometimes goes. As someone who has embarrassed myself regularly throughout my life, I am certain I’ve rarely looked quite as foolish as I did the first half-dozen times I powered up either of these devices. Some days I still do.

That’s the part that was somehow oddly familiar from day one.

How Leaf Blowing Is Like Classroom Teaching

1. You can read all the instructions and watch all the videos you like – there’s simply no way you’ll find out what works and what doesn’t until you get out there and start doing it. You can’t practice in private or hide your mistakes from your neighbors, all of whom are better at it than you are on the day you begin. Their reactions, in fact, may determine whether or not you keep trying at all.

2. You have tremendous power to make a huge number of leaves move from where they are. There’s no doubt about the impact you’re having, at least in terms of raw influence. Unfortunately, no matter how you point the thing or what you think you’re doing with the trigger, the leaves seem to largely go where they choose once the movement starts. Many go the general direction you had in mind, others seem to somehow move towards you instead. Many go random directions despite starting from the same place.

3. You quickly discover that while the air feels quite calm to you, the leaves are largely moved about by breezes you can’t feel and wind you can’t control. Leaves you were certain were cooperating quite nicely are suddenly wafted elsewhere, while others lying apparently carefree on the grass refuse to budge, no matter how dramatically you rev the tiny motor. Some would rather shred into pieces than blow the direction you’re asking them to blow.

4. Everything seems to work better for the folks around you than it does for you. There are a few neighbors (er… teachers?) who don’t bother with their lawn at all, but others seem to have trained their leaves to move quickly but firmly and in an orderly fashion towards the piles along the curbs. They smile and wave and you’re not sure if their friendliness makes it better or worse.

5. Once you’ve started, there’s no easy place to stop. Like mowing or showering, you can’t simply walk away mid-blow. Unlike mowing or showering, however, there no clear point at which you’ve accomplished what you set out to do. In other words, once you’ve committed to the process, you’re going until nightfall or until you run out of gas entirely.

6. No matter how effective you may feel you were or how long it took to get things to a reasonably acceptable state, you’ll have twice as many leaves in your yard tomorrow as you did when you started. As each pile is dealt with, nature redoubles its efforts and your job seems to grow increasingly daunting with each minor success. This can be… discouraging, and make you forget how much you really did accomplish the day before. Probably.

7. If you don’t do something (if you leave the leaves where they are), they rot and begin doing destructive things to your grass or anywhere else they manage to get themselves stuck. In other words, however frustrating it is, you have to try. It’s far worse if you don’t try.

How Using A Snowblower Is Like Classroom Teaching

1. When it’s time to get started, it’s time – whether you’re ready or not. You have to be prepared when the snow shows up and don’t get to pick and choose your time and place. Sometimes it’s when you least feel like it that the job is most important.

2. Everyone thinks they could handle a snowblower until they’re actually doing it. How hard could it be? It’s just like handling a lawnmower, right? The machine genuinely does most of the work; all you’re really doing is guiding it, yes? And yet… somehow it never quite goes like you expect and the machine rarely does what you expect it to do.

3. Don’t underestimate the role of the snow and what it decides to do in the process. Snow, however light and fluffy it may appear, often has a mind of its own. A stubborn, cruel mind. A “Frosty’s evil twin” kinda mind. That doesn’t make it less precious or whatever, but it does make everything more complicated. And that’s not even considering the stuff that somehow ends up hidden in the snow that you never anticipated…

4. It’s a whole lotta power to put in one person’s hands. For better or worse, stuff will be grabbed, hacked, and expelled at high velocity in whatever direction you go. When things go well, you accomplish amazing things in the harshest conditions. When they don’t, you sometimes create more problems than you were trying to solve in the first place. You don’t want that sort of responsibility? Stick to a shovel.

5. Every choice you make impacts everything else going on. I can blow snow off of my driveway, but that means shooting it into my neighbor’s lawn – so I should probably make sure he’s OK with that first. Or, I could shoot it at my own house and risk knocking out a window or two. When I think I’m being helpful by doing the sidewalks, I’m also building up snow dams in the driveway of the older lady next door. She doesn’t need the sidewalks, but now she can’t back her car out without getting stuck. In other words, even when it’s effective, you have to think through things a lot more than you expect when you start.

6. You have to build in recovery time. You can brush out some snow clogs (with the engine off, obviously) and do some maintenance before returning to the job, but at some point to maintain effectiveness, you have to let the thing completely thaw and let all the nasty stuff drip off. Only then can you make sure the oil is properly filled and the blades sharp. I suppose you could use a hair dryer or copious amounts of alcohol, but there’s no substitute for knowing when to press on and when to close the garage and walk away for a bit.

7. Once you’ve got the hang of it – at least sometimes – you miss it when you’re not doing it. We’ve had several mild winters in a row (but don’t call it climate change – they hate that up here!) and for all its miseries, I’ve longed for the chance to fire up the stupid machine again and give it another go. I’m sure that next time I could blow that snow exactly where I want it to go and have that driveway spotless!

This year, I have new neighbors next door. A young couple from somewhere down south – Houston, I think. He just bought his first leaf blower. I promise to smile and give a friendly wave, no matter what happens when he tries it out.